Wednesday, 24 June 2020

Dora the Mimic – an extract from For the Love of a Dingo as recorded by Berenice Walters

Dora was always very observant of everything that went on around her, quickly noting any change. She watched and worked out everything that I did. 

It did not take her long to realise that of an evening I went into the bedroom, and shortly after, the bed became warm. I had turned on the electric bed. 

Quietly, a short time later, we would chuckle to ourselves as she quietly slipped from the lounge room to curl up in the middle of the bed in a ball, or lay back, head on pillows, eyes large and dreamy till they slowly closed, only the oriental shaped slits visible.

I frequently took a hot bath rather than showering. Dora would usually come and peer in to see what I was doing, but this did not in any way prepare me for what I was to witness one day. 

On hearing strange rubbing and gentle scratching sounds coming from the bathroom, I crept to the door and peered through a crack. There was Dora on her back in the bathtub, no water of course, wriggling around as I had done so often. Then she got up and tinkered with the taps, took hold of the face washer and rubbed her cheeks on it. Then onto her back again ‘splashing’ around in utter enjoyment. She was doing exactly what ‘the Boss’ did. 


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Wednesday, 10 June 2020

A Dog's Eye View of Obedience Class

HEEL ON LEAD: Walk as slowly as you can, then spring forward with all your weight. If your handler falls flat on his or her face, you score 25 points.

RECALL: When your handler shouts at you, assume rock deafness. On no account sit in front of your handler, because he will only make you heel. 25 points if your handler loses his voice.

RETRIEVE the DUMBBELL: On no account fetch it back, because he will only throw it away again. If he wants the stupid piece of wood let him fetch it himself, you will be helping to train him not to throw away things he really wants. 5 points every time the handler gets the dumbbell.

SIT: Stay one inch away from the ground at the back end. This builds muscles and makes your rear legs stronger, which will help you pull your handler down on the HEEL ON LEAD.

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Wednesday, 3 June 2020

The Day I met Brian Brown

My little brush with fame came in 1981. I can’t remember how the invite came about but my sister-in-law, Toni, and I attended a Torchbearers for Legacy fundraiser. Our favourite actor, Brian Brown, was special guest.

The afternoon function was held at the home of a local solicitor, Mr John Marsden. By coincidence John’s parents had once owned Lacks Hotel on the corner of Queen St and Railway St, Campbelltown when I was a kid and my mum and dad worked there on Sunday’s. Also, the lady who had arranged for Bryan Brown’s attendance was a friend of his mother’s and the mother of an old primary school friend of mine.

He was very charming and friendly and took time to talk to all the ladies present. A friend from work who was very jealous I was going told me to give him a kiss from her.

I boldly walked up to him and said, “A friend asked me to give you a kiss from her.” He graciously accepted the kiss on his cheek then replied, “Give her one back from me.” And that wasn’t on my cheek! She didn’t get it, I kept it all to myself.

To top it off he kissed all the ladies when he left. Toni and I went home to spend the rest of the day watching Bryan Brown videos.
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Tuesday, 10 March 2020

Whoever said "LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE" didn't sleep with dogs. (Author unknown)

The first thing you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking difference in weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.

Rule Number One: The deeper the sleep the heavier the dog.

Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved the centre position on the bed - with all covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.


Rule Number Two: Dogs possess superhuman strength while on a bed.

As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running", lots of eye movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head like a demented Davy Crockett hat.

Rule Number Three: The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog.

The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dog flesh sleeps breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimetres from a face and stare until you wake.

The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your sleeping bodies - or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.

Rule Number Four: When the dog wakes - you wake.

So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night - safe, contented, heavy and loud.

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