Understanding the Grief of Losing a Pet

My handsome Phantom who passed away a month ago and still very much missed

In the last year two of my elderly dogs have passed away. It was an emotional time.

Most of my friends are pet lovers and understood. Sadly, those who have not lost their heart to a dog or a cat don’t quite understand the heartbreak. They have never known the empty space in your soul or the tug on your heart when they are gone.

Like the loss of a dearly loved friend or relative, there is a tremendous grief. Similarly, that grief doesn’t have a time limit. It can’t be hurried or ignored. You don’t heal if you try and bury emotions.

Our pets are family. Like the human family members, we care for them and them for us.

If we’re upset or depressed our pets will cheer us up. Their loyalty and devotion are unmet by most humans, and each have their own personality. It’s easy to see why they’re so beloved.

Their love is consummate, and we feel very calm, loved and happy in their company.

Our pets are faithful friends. They share our good times and give us love, companionship and support during the tough times. They are part of our daily lives interacting and being part of our routines.

There are habits human and pet develop together. When a pet is no longer there to sit with us when we are ill, keep us company in the garden or just be quiet companionship when we are reading or watching television the absence is jarring.

Because pets play such a pivotal role in our lives, our grief when we lose them is genuine and devastating.

Losing a beloved pet hurts too much, much more than people think. Many people underestimate the pain felt by losing our dog, cat or other pet friend.

Jill S. Cohen, a family grief counsellor gives the following advice for those suffering from the grief of the loss of a pet.

“Hold a gathering for people who knew your pet and would want to share stories or provide company for you during the beginning days of the loss. Make a photo collage. Frame or share with your friends through email or regular mail. It will tell the story that they may not know about your relationship and love for your pet. Visit friends who have pets and play with the animals. It will bring back the spirit of joy that the animal once provided for you.”

She also mentions that grief support groups can help those who are struggling to cope with pet loss.

Most pet owners value the special role pets play in their lives and see them as just as important as the humans in their lives. Trying to understand this unique bond will helps you empathize with them as they try to heal.

 “There is an unconditional love that a pet provides, where often a human relationship does not necessarily provide that. Also, a pet is reliable and has provided the security and stability through the owner’s life which often transcends other relationships. Children may leave home, a spouse may leave or be absent for a period of time. Parents may die. Friendships may drift. But the pet is always there — a source of comfort, a source of continuity in life, of constant companionship, a way for the owner to show love to a living being. A pet also provides a sense of routine for its owner. This may give the owner some consistency in life — feeding, walking, caring for the dog, tending to the pet’s needs. The bond between a human and a pet can sometimes be like none other.”

Helping someone grieving
When someone you know is grieving the loss of their fur baby here are a few tips to keep in mind:

It’s crucial to recognise and validate the pain someone is feeling after the loss of a pet — even if you yourself don’t quite understand the loss. Avoid comforting them by offering “solutions” that only make it worse — things like, “You can pick out a new pet now, though, right?” or “It was only an animal.”

Every pet is unique, and has its own habits, quirks, and preferences. Someone who lost a pet may eventually bring another pet into their lives, mentioning that as a solution for their current grief or implying their lost pet can be easily replaced only hurts them further. Yes, a person can get a new pet, but it’s not going to be the same as the pet that was lost. Suggesting that is callous.

If you’re unsure what to say, then listen to what they have to say. Sit with them and let them talk. 

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The Sad Story of a Graceful Lady by Pamela King

I have no memory of my homeland England but was always fascinated by old photos of the West Pier.

*****

She grew slowly, gradually maturing from a playful child to a cheeky teenager and finally a graceful old lady.

She was born in 1863 with an open promenade deck, six small ornamental buildings and two toll houses. Glass screens at the end of the pier protected visitors from the wind and rain.

The bandstand, reminiscent of a wedding cake, added in 1875, denoted the young fun-loving girl she had become.

The final building, completed in 1916, was a graceful concert hall. She was now an elegant middle-aged lady. She still loved life and the new addition attracted and entertained holiday-makers with all the pomp and frippery that was the essence of the English seaside resort.

The pier was unique, its proportions and style unrivalled, and its concert hall and theatre two of the best Victorian and Edwardian seaside entertainment buildings.
She changed little over the next 50 years except for aging gracefully but her age took its toll and in 1969 it was closed to the public for safety reasons.

In 1975 it was sold to the West Pier Trust for 100 pounds with plans for its restoration. By 2003 the planned funds had not been raised and this sophisticated old lady began to deteriorate and suffer at the hands of vandals, neglect and weather.

It was a catastrophic year for the old girl.

The Pavilion was destroyed by an arson attack and the Concert Hall, seriously damaged in a huge storm the previous December, was also deliberately set on fire.

Deemed a public hazard, restoration funding was withdrawn, and in 2010 the burnt-out Concert Hall was removed.

Now, only a skeleton of its former glory, it was left untouched.

 

Choosing the Right Pen

In May last year I posted a blog titled Boost Creativity by Writing on Paper. Since then I try to put pen to paper before fingers to keyboard but I have discovered a very important factor that makes a huge difference.

The difference is your pen. I found some pens make my writing look scratchy and difficult to read because the nib does not flow smoothly.

With others, my hand (and my brain) tire quickly and it dulls creativity and the flow of my thoughts.


What is my favourite pen for free-flowing hand writing? A fountain pen!

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